The Adventures of Tiffany & Mrs Mac – Episode 21

FICTION IN THE POST PANDEMIC – Episode 21

Hi Fiction Fans,

You probably thought I had gone MIA (that’s missing in action to the non-military readers) or stowed away on a cargo ship and headed to a warmer clime.

Not so, although I did have a lovely cruise on the Celebrity Edge ship in March – a bunch of eight of us set off from Sydney to New Zealand for a friend’s birthday; one of those ‘significant’ events!  And it wasn’t warm; New Zealand just go colder as we moved from the sunny and warmish Bay to Islands down the coast. That does make sense.

No, apart from cruise ship travels and my annual trip to the US to attend a travel-industry conference, I have just been snowed under with work. Cue the violins!

However the Adventures of Tiffany & Mrs Mac are back, and so are the ladies.

So let’s have a recap. Last time we checked in on the pair (or trio now that Marjorie is virtually a family member), Mrs Mac had slipped into a bout of depression over a certain fake cruise captain called Henry. But the wily old dame didn’t linger in those depths for too long and was soon kicking that cad to the kerb, and planning her round-the-world voyage with granddaughter and maid.

So let’s take up the story. But before I do that, let me outline the rules for the Furious Fiction writing contest that I followed. Here they are:

  1. Your story must include something that changes colour.
  2. Your story must include the words ACCEPT, POINT, RIDDLE, INKLING and LABEL. (You can use longer words – e.g. POINTED or RIDDLES – as long as they retain the original spelling within them.)
  3. Your story must have an ‘Engaging opening sentence’ –  one that will make your reader want to read on. 

Okay readers, let’s jump in and take up the tale.

Few travellers would take 16 Louis Vuitton suitcases and a steamer trunk on a cruise, even one lasting 100 days.

But Mrs MacPhillamy, a world-voyage veteran, hated to compromise or accept limitations. Her matching bags stood side-by-side in the study.

Full steam ahead: A steamer trunk always comes in handy

Nearby were two brand-new purchases: a hard shell with sturdy wheels, and a carry-on, both navy and both labelled  ‘Marjorie Mitchell’. The maid was pleased with her sensible luggage but had an inkling the cabin steward, while smiling obsequiously (ever hopeful of a sizable tip), would inwardly scoff.

Mrs Mac had insisted that all luggage be in the study, ready to go, 24 hours before their departure. She hated tardiness and had booked a stretch limousine (granddaughter Tiffany called it a hummer) with ample leg and apparel room, to take them to the Queen Mary 2 in Southampton.  Seamless.

But that point seemed lost on Tiffany, who was still packing in a room strewn with clothes. Handbags, sparkly mini-skirts, puffer jackets, hot pants, beanies and dozens of sky-high stilettos covered the floor and the king-size bed. Mrs Mac had offered advice.

“Tiffy, dear, follow Cunard’s suggested packing list. It’s a godsend.”

“I tried Grandma. But I got confused. What’s a frock? What’s a pants-suit? And what’s a twinset?”

Mrs Mac smirked. “Google it, sweetheart.”

 

Pearls before granddaughters: Mrs Mac’s pleas to Tiffany to wear pearls (even in an ironic way) went unheard

Plans for the three-month world cruise had proceeded with lightning speed once Mrs MacPhillamy made the snap decision to go. She had nursed a bruised heart for weeks – far too long – and had finally written off potential paramour, Henry, as a silly mistake.

But somehow something lingered. Tiffany had a name for it.

“Grandma you’ve still got the ‘feels’ for Henry.”

Stupid teenage slang, but, yes, there was something – it was a conundrum, a riddle.

Mrs Mac had been clear with her two resident gals – they could come with her or they could stay home. Marjorie, who’d long relished the solitude when Mrs Mac took holidays in pre-Covid times, had to admit she would actually miss her employer.

And Tiffy, apart from having no plans whatsoever, would certainly miss grandma. They’d become besties. She also hoped there might be a cute guy forced to accompany his grandmother, or perhaps a Latin waiter yearning for company. She too might get the “feels” or at least a feel-up and free drinks.

Mrs MacPhillamy had last-minute personal maintenance to deal with.

She’d returned from her Knightsbridge salon, beautifully coiffed and sporting a startling new shade of titian. She hoped the long holiday would “wash that man right out of her hair” but not the colour – she wanted her expensive new hue to survive several months at sea.

Easier said than done: Getting rid of a man, either by exorcism, or hair washing wasn’t as easy as it sounds

She was about to call her manicurist when Tiffy let out an ear-piecing scream from an upstairs room.

“Grandma, it’s Henry. He’s coming up the front path and he’s carrying a bunch of red roses.”

Mrs MacPhillamy’s heart skipped a beat.

“Shit – frigging feels!” she cursed.  She touched her hair in the hall mirror and opened the front door.

Well readers  – what a turn up for the books! Hopeless Henry has made a detour to the florist and turned up on Mac Mac’s eve of her departure. What a nerve – typical narcissist I hear you say!

We all wonder what will happen next? Will he be welcomed in and offered a G&T or cup of tea, made with a tea bag? Are those flowers he’s bearing even real, and how will he respond to Mrs Mac’s titian tresses – a polite compliment or spontaneous guffaw? Will he trip over the suitcases?

Louis Vuitton: Stylish but style can trip you up…

Well you better stayed tuned for next episode and I promise I won’t take too long to post it.

As you know readers, I enter my frivolous stories into the monthly Furious Fiction competition run by the Australian Writers Centre — 500 words in 50 hours!

If you want to have a go, here’s the site: I’ve not won yet — yep, I know, the judges are asleep at the wheel…another time.   https://www.writerscentre.com.au/furious-fiction/

Thanks again unSplash  for the photos:  https://unsplash.com/

 

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